NO TIME FOR SIGHTSEEING

A farmer, who went to a large city to see the sights, engaged a room at a hotel and before retiring asked the clerk about the hours for meals.
- "We have breakfast from 7 to 11, dinner from 12 to 3 and supper from 6 to 8," explained the clerk.
- "Look here," inquired the farmer in surprise, "but at what time am I going to see the town?"

A READY TONGUE

Two travelers arrived at the hotel and were shown a rather dingy room. - "What does this pig-sty cost?" said one of them. The proprietor replied promptly: "For one pig-two dollars, for two pigs-three dollars."

VAIN PROTEST

The noise of all-night poker game in the hotel kept a tourist in the adjoining room from sleeping. At 3 a. m. he started to pound on the wall hoping to silence the gamblers. - "Hey," shouted one of the gamblers, "this is a hell of time to be hanging pictures!"

SOMEWHERE

A man met another in a hotel lobby. Feeling that he was acquainted with him, but not remembering who he was, the man held out his hand and said: "I am sure I have met you somewhere." - "No doubt," was the reply, "I have been there often."

CUNNING ANSWER

The manager of an hotel, finding that a guest had departed without paying his hotel bill, wrote him: "My dear sir, will you please send the amount of your bill, and oblige," etc. To this Mr. Smythe wrote politely: "My dear Mr. Manager. The amount of my bill is a hundred and ten dollars. Yours respectfully."

NOT FOR PEDESTRIANS

- "But," protested the vacationist, "your advertisment states that the hotel is only five minutes from the station. It took me nearly an hour to reach here."
- "Ah," said the boarding-house keeper, "you've been walking. We don't mean pedestrians."

NOT ALWAYS

G u e s t.-"Does the water always come through the roof like that?" Hotel keeper.-"No, sir, not always, only when it rains."

A FRESH TOWEL

"Look here," said the irate guest to the small-town hotel keeper, "don't you know that roller-towels in hotels have been prohibited in this State for three years?" "Sure, I do," replied the hotel keeper, "but that towel was put up before the law was passed."

A GIVE-AWAY

The guest of a summer boarding-house asked: "Why is it that old hog keeps trying to come into my room? Has he taken a fancy to me?" Little Willie explained it. He whispered: "Why, that's his room during the winter."

IN A RESTAURANT

Dine r.-"Waiter, you have served me ten lobsters and all without claws. What is the matter?"
W a i t e r.-"You see, sir, we have them alive in the kitchen and they are fighting."
Diner.-"Well, then fetch me ten winners."

THE OPEN-HEARTED WAITER

It was dinner time. A customer entered a restaurant and sat down at a table. He asked for the menu and said to the waiter.
- "Here is sixpence tip for you; tell me what you can recommend me." The waiter leaned over and whispered:
-"I shall recommend you to go to another restaurant."
 
GIVING A PARTY
- "How much are your peaches?"
- "Penny each, lady.
- "I'll have one, please."
- "Giving a party, lady?"

THE SHORTER THE DAYS, THE LESS WE EAT
- "Give me an all-day sucker," the youngster demanded of the candy man. He was handed one.
- "Looks very small," remarked the youngster looking at it doubtfully.
- "Yeah, well, the days are getting shorter," replied the man.

HIS TONGUE IS WELL HUNG
- "This seal coat is fine. But will it stand rain?"
- "Madam, did you ever see a seal with an umbrella?"

SUCH A FATHER, SUCH A SON
C u s t o m e r.-"I hear my son has owed you for a suit for three years."
T a i 1 o r.-"Yes, sir. Have you called to settle the account?"
C u s t o m e r.-"No, I'd like a suit myself on the same terms."

TO THE ONLY GIRL
A young man approached the counter at which postcards were being sold and asked: "Have you anything sentimental?"
- "Here is a lovely one," replied the salesgirl, "look here-'To the only girl I ever loved.'"
- "That's fine! I'll take four-no-six of those, please."

THE OBSERVANT SALESMAN
- "I want some collars for my husband," said Mrs. Jones, "but I'm afraid I've forgotten the size."
- "Thirteen and a half, ma'am?" suggested the shop assistant.
- "That's it. How did you know?"
- "Men who let their wives buy collars for them are always about that size, ma'am," explained the observant salesman.

A REASONABLE REQUIREMENT
An angry man entered the shop and said to the salesman:
"My brother bought a car here last week and he says you told him if anything broke you would supply a new part."
- "Certainly," said the salesman, "what does he want?"
- "He wants two deltoid muscles, a couple of knee-caps, one elbow, about half a yard of cuticle and a left ear,
and he wants them at once."

GOOD SHOES
C u s t o m e r.-"Will these shoes wear long?"
S a 1 e s m a n.-"Wear long? Why, sir, nobody has ever come for a second pair".

 

 

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