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NO TIME FOR SIGHTSEEINGA READY TONGUETwo travelers arrived at the hotel and were shown a rather dingy room. - "What does this pig-sty cost?" said one of them. The proprietor replied promptly: "For one pig-two dollars, for two pigs-three dollars."VAIN PROTESTThe noise of all-night poker game in the hotel kept a tourist in the adjoining room from sleeping. At 3 a. m. he started to pound on the wall hoping to silence the gamblers. - "Hey," shouted one of the gamblers, "this is a hell of time to be hanging pictures!"SOMEWHEREA man met another in a hotel lobby. Feeling that he was acquainted with him, but not remembering who he was, the man held out his hand and said: "I am sure I have met you somewhere." - "No doubt," was the reply, "I have been there often."CUNNING ANSWERThe manager of an hotel, finding that a guest had departed without paying his hotel bill, wrote him: "My dear sir, will you please send the amount of your bill, and oblige," etc. To this Mr. Smythe wrote politely: "My dear Mr. Manager. The amount of my bill is a hundred and ten dollars. Yours respectfully."NOT FOR PEDESTRIANS- "But," protested the vacationist, "your advertisment states that the hotel is only five minutes from the station. It took me nearly an hour to reach here."NOT ALWAYSG u e s t.-"Does the water always come through the roof like that?" Hotel keeper.-"No, sir, not always, only when it rains."A FRESH TOWEL"Look here," said the irate guest to the small-town hotel keeper, "don't you know that roller-towels in hotels have been prohibited in this State for three years?" "Sure, I do," replied the hotel keeper, "but that towel was put up before the law was passed."A GIVE-AWAYThe guest of a summer boarding-house asked: "Why is it that old hog keeps trying to come into my room? Has he taken a fancy to me?" Little Willie explained it. He whispered: "Why, that's his room during the winter."IN A RESTAURANTDine r.-"Waiter, you have served me ten lobsters and all without claws. What is the matter?"THE OPEN-HEARTED WAITERTHE SHORTER THE DAYS, THE LESS WE EAT - "Give me an all-day sucker," the youngster demanded of the candy man. He was handed one. - "Looks very small," remarked the youngster looking at it doubtfully. - "Yeah, well, the days are getting shorter," replied the man. HIS TONGUE IS WELL HUNG - "This seal coat is fine. But will it stand rain?" - "Madam, did you ever see a seal with an umbrella?" SUCH A FATHER, SUCH A SON C u s t o m e r.-"I hear my son has owed you for a suit for three years." T a i 1 o r.-"Yes, sir. Have you called to settle the account?" C u s t o m e r.-"No, I'd like a suit myself on the same terms." TO THE ONLY GIRL A young man approached the counter at which postcards were being sold and asked: "Have you anything sentimental?" - "Here is a lovely one," replied the salesgirl, "look here-'To the only girl I ever loved.'" - "That's fine! I'll take four-no-six of those, please." THE OBSERVANT SALESMAN - "I want some collars for my husband," said Mrs. Jones, "but I'm afraid I've forgotten the size." - "Thirteen and a half, ma'am?" suggested the shop assistant. - "That's it. How did you know?" - "Men who let their wives buy collars for them are always about that size, ma'am," explained the observant salesman. A REASONABLE REQUIREMENT An angry man entered the shop and said to the salesman: "My brother bought a car here last week and he says you told him if anything broke you would supply a new part." - "Certainly," said the salesman, "what does he want?" - "He wants two deltoid muscles, a couple of knee-caps, one elbow, about half a yard of cuticle and a left ear, and he wants them at once." GOOD SHOES
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